A few days ago, I had one of those experiences.  You know, one of those experiences that really takes you there, and I don’t mean to a place you want to go.  It was a for real Teresa Guidice moment (Shoutout to the Real Housewives fans!). Yes, I was about ready to flip a table.

For those of you who don’t know, I’m working with several families doing homeschooling for their children.  To make a long story short, one of my students made a smart, condescending comment to me, and I could literally feel my body temperature rising.

I’m a pretty self-reflective person, and I’ve noticed that this has happened multiple times over the last year, and even further back than then really.  In fact, a few months ago, I had an “aha moment” where I realized that I have an anger problem.  My friends would never guess this is a problem for me.  I’m pretty good at keeping my cool to the point that often times people don’t even realize how angry I am.  The problem is that sometimes I don’t even realize how angry I am until it’s too late and I literally implode. My implosion is actually what lead to me realizing I have an issue with anger.  I initially just thought I was tired.  Honestly, I was tired, but it was so much deeper than that.

What I wasn’t thinking about at the time was that I could try to hide my anger, frustration, and irritation from others and perhaps even myself, but there is no hiding from God because He sees all, and He certainly has His thoughts on the topic.  Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. In the Message it reads as follows, “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”

Ok, so let’s talk. It isn’t necessarily the anger that’s the problem; it’s what can possibly result from it that is.  For me it was resulting in me being short-tempered, impatient, more isolated than normal, even more sarcastic than usual, and extremely emotional (I couldn’t stop crying). A lot of this was just happening in my head, but the point was that it was still happening.  And even more importantly, I had been angry for a long time.  Obviously that’s a problem when God says for us not to let the sun go down on our anger.  So, what was I going to do?

I have yet to figure out why I don’t automatically go to God first when I know I have a problem.  I remember talking to a few friends, and they were so encouraging and I appreciate them greatly, but when you actually open up your situation to God, He can really give you revelation.  It wasn’t when I was talking to my friends that I figured out I was angry; it was when I was talking to God!

What was most shocking to me was who I was mad at.  To my horror, I realized that I was angry with God.  I can’t even tell you how upsetting this was to me.  All I could think was, “who gets mad with God?”  Interestingly enough, after doing a little research, I found that I wasn’t the only one.  What I was more concerned about though was dealing with this anger.  I continued talking to God, and He is still answering.

Recently at bible study, I listened as a woman shared her testimony about how she came to know God.  It happened as a result of a great deal of pain.  She described the process in the following way:

Complaints –> Conversation –> Relationship –> Love

This was so profound to me.  When she initially started seeking God, it was to complain.  He was able to eventually turn her complaints into love.  This was a miracle to me.  I don’t have a problem telling you that I don’t know or understand everything about God.  What I do know for sure is that He is faithful and that He loves me.  Getting past this suppressed anger is an ongoing process, and such a HUGE part of it is communication.  This is involves:

1. Communicating with God through prayer and reading His Word
2. Not being afraid to effectively communicate with others by letting them know my needs and feelings and listening to theirs as well
3. Communicating with myself through reflection and introspection.

Now, back to the table-flipping.  I can be a bit melodramatic in my head, so this probably won’t be the last time I think about doing a flip, but it will also continue to be a reminder of the need to effectively deal with anger as God has asked.  Communication is key! And perhaps then I can begin working on turning the tables instead of flipping them!